HOOK

54 HOOK All of this applies at every age. It's never too late to begin. As our children grow, the situations change, but the message stays the same: I believe you are capable of figuring things out, and I'm here when you need me. 1. Pause before stepping in When your child is struggling, take a breath. Ask yourself, Do they really need my help, or am I uncomfortable watching them struggle? Give them a little space to try. 2. Ask instead of answering When they come to you with a problem, try asking, "What do you think?" or "What could you try?" Sometimes they don't need us to solve it; they just need a safe place to think it through. 3. Let small mistakes teach When it's safe and appropriate, allow chil- dren to experience the natural consequences of their choices. We don't have to say, "I told you so." We can simply be there when they learn from it. 4. Let them be beginners They don't have to be good at something right away. Let them try, struggle, be awk- ward, change their minds, and try again. Being a beginner is how we learn. 5. Stay close without taking over Stepping back doesn't mean stepping away. Let your child know, "I'm here if you need me." We can be their safe place with- out always being the one who fixes things. None of this has to be perfect. You may re- alize there are times you've stepped in too quickly, solved too much, or worried too much. We all do it. I certainly do. Parent- ing gives us so many chances to begin again. Tomorrow, you can pause for a few extra seconds. Ask one question instead of giving one answer. Let one small thing un- fold without fixing it. That is enough. Trust doesn't have to happen all at once. It can grow, one small moment at a time. prepared for, the ac3vity they thought they would love but didn't, or simply trying something and realizing it wasn't for them. Some3mes these aren't par- en3ng failures. Some3mes they are childhood. Some3mes they are learning. This has been some- thing I've had to remind my- self of again and again as a mother. There is a part of me that wants to make things easier for my children. Of course there is. I want them to be happy. I want them to be safe. I want them to avoid unnec- essary pain. But I also want them to be brave. And bravery re- quires some uncertainty. You cannot become brave if someone always removes the thing you're afraid of. You become brave by discovering that you can walk through it. So perhaps trus3ng our chil- dren begins with trus3ng ourselves. Trus3ng that we have given them roots. Trus3ng that the conversa3ons we've had ma4er. Trus3ng that the love we've given them becomes part of their inner voice. Trus3ng that we don't have to control every outcome to be good par- ents. And if you're reading this and thinking, I haven't always done this, please don't worry. I haven't either. Par- en3ng is not about ge5ng it right all the 3me. We are learning alongside our chil- dren. It is never too late to begin again. We can start small. The next 3me your child is struggling, pause before step- ping in and ask yourself, Do they really need my help, or am I uncomfortable watching them struggle? Give them a li4le space to try. When they come to you with a problem, ask, "What do you think?" before giving your answer. Some3mes they don't need us to solve it; they need a safe place to think out loud. When it is safe and appropriate, let small mistakes have natural conse- quences. We don't need to say, "I told you so." We can simply let the experi- ence teach and be there a$erward. Let them be beginners. Let them try some- thing new without needing to be good at it. Let them struggle a li4le, be awk- ward, change their minds, and try again. And stay close without taking over. Stepping back doesn't mean stepping away. Some3mes the most powerful thing we can say is, "I'm here if you need me." We can be their safe place without always being the person who fixes everything. None of this has to be perfect. You may realize there are 3mes you've stepped in too quickly, solved too much, or worried too much. We all do it. I certainly do. The beau3ful thing about paren3ng is that we get so many chances to begin again. Tomorrow, you can pause for a few extra seconds. You can ask one ques3on instead of giv- ing one answer. You can let one small thing unfold without fixing it. That is enough. Trust doesn't have to happen all at once. It can grow, one small moment at a 3me. Maybe paren3ng is the gradual process of moving from holding their hands to trus3ng them to walk. We don't dis- appear, We are s3ll there, We are watching, We are listening, and we are some3mes just a li4le farther back. And maybe that is okay. Because underneath all the advice, all the wor- rying, all the planning and protec3ng, there is a simple message we can give our children, I trust you. Try. See what happens. And if you get it wrong, we'll figure it out. What a beau3ful thing it is for a child to grow up knowing that they don't have to get everything right. They just have to keep becoming. And what a beau3ful thing it is for us, as parents, to learn that we don't have to get every- thing right either. Some3mes we can loosen our grip, take a breath, let them try, let them wobble, let them be be- ginners, and let them get it wrong. To Canada To NYC He didn't need me to protect him from the possibility of failing. He needed the space to find out for himself. Five Small Ways to Begin

• Cover